The Teetsel Family
Contact Chad: Chadmac30@yahoo.com
Craig, Pops, and Me
My Definition of Family: Family is a close group that come together to accomplish goals and be there to love and care for each other. They are there to cheer you up on a bad day or tell you what you've done wrong so you can correct. They lean on each other through thick and thin and create a bond that can't be broken.
Mom and Dad
Me, Craig, and Ruby
The Entire Family
Unit One:
Adaptability: My family has a large amount of adaptablity in my own mind. We've learned to deal with things that have affected our family. I was raised in a strict Catholic family and religion is a major part to our everyday lives. But when some of my family decided to leave the Catholic Church and pursue another religion, our family learned to adapt and accept it as a part of life. Another example of my family learning to adapt is allowing some members of the family to do homeschool to teach their children. This two major issues that have come up in our lives have made us stronger as a family and goes to show that we will love each other no matter what happens.Cohesion: We are an extremely cohesive family for the most part. From the example in the first chapter of the book i would say that were a connected family. My family is in there in need of help, love, compassion, or a lending hand. My family isn't as cohesive though then when my mother was still alive, she was the glue to the family. It seemed when she was still around we always had people calling the house and wanting to talk and hang out with us but today that isn't the case as much. Yes, we're still a close nitch family but not as we once were. The death of my mom did bring the family closer in certain ways though, we now feel as if we can go through that then we can go through anything. We're connected in ways that others can't relate and i love every family member and their compassion.
Boundries: My family, father in paticular, had strict boundries when me and my brother were younger. We couldn't go too far away from our house on our bikes and even though friends were allowed to come over, it wasn't very often and my parents were strict about who came and how many. But when my brother or me had a girlfriend we had to be in the same room as our family and couldn't go in our room with the door closed. At the time when these boundries were created i was upset and angry but looking back at it now it did nothing but protect us and thank my parents for that.
Metaphors: The best metaphor that i could give my family would be a tornado. When a tornado goes through a town or city it destroys everything, this is comparible to my family. There are two reasons why i feel this way: 1.) When all the grandkids get together at family gatherings, it's basically a huge party and we have a tendency to cause a mess, 2.) My family will do whatever it takes to accomplish goals and that means destroying all barriers that are in our way to achieve that goal.
Themes: "Do your best at whatever you do." This line was preched to me by my mom and grandparents and it's a common theme in our family. We all know that were not going to be best at everything we do but you can still try your hardest to achieve those goals. There is no quit in our family and we try to do the best at any activity.
Unit 2:
-Five Imporant Rules To My Family-
Be Polite and Respectful To Everyone
Always Have A Positive Attitude
Unit 3:
Role Functions:
As a kid growing up i always felt it was my responsibility to help my mom and dad around the house with chores and jobs. I helped my dad do things outside while still helping my mom with chores inside. I tried to bal
ance both jobs so that i could help out both my parents
and weren't partial to one side.They helped me to be molded into the
man i am today by balancing both sides and being familiar with what
each does. Both my parents have had different roles their entire lives
though with raising me and my brother. After my mom had me she stayed
home with the kids and made sure to get us to school, practice, and
make supper. My dad made sure things were done around the house and
worked throughout the whole day to support us. I extend my kinship
maintenence by attending family gatherings at my girlfriends families
house. I see it as a challenge to interact with a extended netword and
learn new things. I enjoy these family gatherings and hope to continue
to make an impression on a new set of people.Fitzpatrick's Couple Types:
I would choose my family to be Traditional. According to Fitzpatrick's model, traditionals don't believe in change and they continue to use standard rules and routines. For example, my dad wears the same clothing and drives the same cars that he use to have when he was younger. This is why i believe my family follows the traditional type of family.Gottman's Conflict Types:
We are a validating type of family because we respect each others viewpoints and new ideas. But if the family has new ideas or opinions and the rest disagree then they try to comprise on the topic and get past it.Kantor and Lehr's Family Type:
Our family type follows under the ideas and rules of a closed family. We tend to use the same rules and routines that we have as long as i can remember. Even though we have new ideas and situations at times we still don't have much change. Therefore a closed family setting fits our family perfectly and we will continue to be that way.Family Reasearch Project
Choosing the area that I wanted to interview was easy for me. I chose the family interview that is conducted with three different family members because I’m fortunate enough to have great grandparents still. I didn’t choose to do an interview with my great grandparents though because unfortunately they have Alzheimer’s disease. I instead chose my father, grandma, and brother. I used the five questions that can be found on the syllabus along with my own variation of questions. Let me begin by giving you a brief background about the family members that I interviewed.
My grandmother, Sandy Rager, was born in California, around San Diego, where she lived until she was 16. At 16, she moved to Fort Wayne and went to Central Catholic high school where she met my grandpa Joe Rager. The two got married at the young age of 18 and 17 years old. They’ve lived in Fort Wayne since they got married and they recently celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary. My grandparents had three kids, my mom, aunt, and uncle. She worked most of her life at St. Joe hospital as a receptionist and spent the rest of her time raising her three children. When my mom passed away five years ago, my grandmother has become my everything and new mother and I wouldn’t know what I would do without her.
My dad, Chris, was born and raised in Fort Wayne, Indiana. He and my mom had two kids, my brother and I. He worked several years at Central Soya but has worked at Raytheon, formally known as Magnavox, for thirty years. He was recently remarried after my mom passed away five years ago. When he remarried he moved with his wife, Robin, to Kendallville where they have a beautiful home on the lake. He plans on living there for the rest of his life and live the lake life to the fullest.
Craig, my brother, was the last member of my family that I conducted an interview about. He and his wife, Ruby, have been married for 6 years now. They recently had their first child, Lincoln, a month ago. They currently live in Fort Wayne where Craig is a CPA for BKD. Before BKD he worked at International as an accounting. My brother is my best friend and after all the things we’ve been through I don’t know what I would’ve done without him. He plans on one day moving down south where the weather is warm all year long.
Different families’ members all contribute in different ways. In my family my grandma is considered the nurturing and caring individual who you can tell anything to. If you have something on your mind that’s bothering you and you want someone to talk to she is only a phone call away. According to Sandy’s definition of her role, “I’m here for my kids, grandkids, or friends that need someone to talk to and get things off their chest.” When you go to lunch or to the store with my grandma she is always talking to someone because everyone knows her. That’s what my family loves about her, her caring and heavy heart with every individual. I would compare my brother to my grandma but in a different way. My brother has a different attitude than her but they care in the same way. He likes to take care of family and friends by being there if they need anything but doesn’t speak with just random people. He said that he likes to take care of friends, family, and co-workers but doesn’t compare to my grandma in terms of caring for everyone.
My dad in contrast though is a family provider and isn’t big on the emotional side of things. My dad said that he has to be tough and play the rule as the provider and be strong so that nobody see’s a weakness in our family. I’ve never seen my father cry or get upset except for when everything happened to my mom. I’ve never had the fear of being in trouble financial when I’m around my father because I know that he will help me when I’m in need. His role is probably the most important to our family because without him we wouldn’t have the things that we have.
When I asked the three interviewees questions about our family I covered topics that I had questions about. These included things that they felt were important, wrong, and topics we talk about when together. When I asked each person about topics that are discussed when the family is together, they all agreed on a couple things: don’t talk about politics or religion. They are two topics that seemed to be agreed on for the simple fact that they know they will create arguments. My grandma and brother both agreed that it’s items that they like to talk about but not when everyone is together. These topics from my own experience can create arguments, fights, or controversy. I like to compare my family to a bunch of lawyers because they like to argue but we all know that’s all in fair game.
There are usually funny stories that always seem to come up in our family. When I asked my brother and my dad what their family story was, it was the crab apple story. My uncle took me and my brother to the park one day and had us eat crab apples, after that he spun us around until we were sick and it seems to get brought up every time the family is together. My grandma agreed that was a story that gets brought up but that isn’t the one that she thought of. For her it was when the grandkids were throwing the ball in the house and her vase got broken. Instead of one of the grandchildren admitting to it they all had different sides of the story and blamed it on me. To this day nobody is really sure who did it but I know who it was, me unfortunately. These two stories aren’t serious but instead funny and I think that’s what describes our family the most, a comical family.
There were a few rituals that were generally consistent when conducting the interviews. They all said that prayer was a huge ritual at every get together. Before every meal or holiday in which we get together, it’s a ritual for my uncle to conduct a prayer to give thanks for food and what we have as a family. Another strict ritual that my family follows is to always get together for every holiday. These days everyone has their own responsibilities and lives but we still have to get together for the major holidays. My grandma said that it’s upsetting because the grandkids are always busy and it’s hard to make plans. With some grandkids living out of town and my brother having a newborn, it’s becoming a challenge to keep up with that ritual. Rituals are a major part of my families’ lives and we need to follow these in order to be as close as we once were.
My family has always been a strict Catholic family and even though religion isn’t talked about when we’re together, we all know what religion we are. The conflict that everyone remembers was probably the biggest conflict amongst our family. When my uncle decided he was going to leave the Catholic Church and start going to a small Christian church, conflicts arose. According to my grandma, “It really hurt me when he left the Catholic Church and even though I was upset at first I soon realized that he’s my son and I need to accept his religion.” It was a turning point in our family because it used everyone’s effort to accept change in our family. It still seems as if there is tension in air when that topic arises. Everyone in our family needs to be accepting of changes and understand that certain things are the same for everyone. I believe this should almost be a rule that my family should follow: being accepting to new ideas.
After conducting the interviews and learning about stories and issues that my family thought about, I’ve learned a few new things. First, I think the older generations view the younger generations as equals. This means that they actually take our thoughts into consideration and don’t look down upon us. In the past they used to think that we didn’t know what we were talking about but now with further education, we’re getting our points across. Another thing that I noticed was that each generation agreed or said the same stories that I felt about the question. For example, when my grandma said that the story about the vase and grandkids was the story that she remembers the most, it shocked me. It shocked me because I felt that story was one of the top three stories among our family. Therefore, those types of things intrigued me the most when talking to the three.
I knew before conducting the interviews that my brother and I were going to have similar answers because like I said before, he’s my best friend. I was also surprised by how much the three of them agreed upon the questions even though I conducted them separately. This shows me that our family thinks alike and has similar thoughts. Families can have their ups and downs but I think my family has the mindset that we’ll be together forever through think and thin. I love my family and everything they’ve done for me and I thank them doing these interviews with me.
Unit 4
Craig Teetsel- Normative Resources- Craig felt as if he used normative resources the most out the three listed. He felt that we were raised by our parents to live a normal life and nothing out of the ordinary. The example in the book said that mother's have the power in managing the children's day-to-day activities, this is something along the lines to what he felt he would do. He felt that the father or husband should be the provider of his family, while the mother should be able to take care of the children for an example.
- Economic Resources
- Cognitive Resources- Cognitive resources is wht he felt was the most successful of all three resources though. He said that he felt cognitive resources can have a way to persuade or influence others. This would be like the example in the book of the family member knowing who to go to get what they want. Cognitive resources is a way to get what you want, when you want it, and also a way to accomplish tasks and goals.
I would say that my family is a conversion oriented family. The reason for this is because of all my family members, all familyes live under one roof and have their own place and the parents have atleast two or more children. Also a conversion family have two or more members that share common values and norms and my family share that goal. I think this type of orientation fits my family at this point and i think it will continue that way. My family believes in being with their partner til death do them part and becaue of this they will continue to share goals and norms and help support each other.
Unit 5
The death of my mother five years agoIt affected the family for several years. When it first happened for me personally i thought about not going to college because it was too hard for me at that time. My brother was also moving out on his own and he comteplated if he should since he felt as if it would upset the family even more. I think it affected everyone but it has only made us stronger as a family and as individuals. Historically, holidays, birthdays, and the date in which it happened are extremely hard. My family usually trys to all get together and do something so that it gets things off our minds.
Horizontal Stressor
I'd say this would fall under a horizontal stressor. This means that your upset throughout the process but there was nothing you could do about it. The example i use is a father seeing his only son go off to college, he's upset but he knows that its something he has to accept. I feel the same way, i'm upset it happended and i wish she was still here but there was nothing that i could do for her.
Stages
I'd say that we experienced all the stages of the model. We experienced shock because even though she was in the hospital when it happened it seemed as if she was getting better and was going to go home soon. We experienced recoil because they moved her from Lutheran Hospital to St. Joe Hospital and after that things seemed to take a turn for the worse. We blamed the doctors and hospitals for moving her and not taking as much care for her at St. Joe Hospital. Depression then set in and it was hard for all of us to get over it. Even though we'll never get over it, there were months when it was extremely hard to deal with the pain. Finally, reorganization occured when we realized that she wouldn't want us to be upset and would want us to move on with our lives.
Levels
The only level that i could really see that was used would be level 3. After she passed some family members made different decisions in their lives, including me who decided to go to college after all. The other two levels don't really seem as if they were being used.
Unit 6
FloorplanI live in a house with two other roommates but it's just a small one story house. It consists of 3 bedrooms and two baths with a living room, kitchen, and dining room. The communication in the house is good at some points and bad in others. When there is a sporting event on, all us usually sits in the living room and watch the game and socialize with one another. But if there is something that we all want to watch different then the communication is bad. We each go into our rooms and watch what we want on our own tv's. The floorplan allows for a lot of communication though because it is a smaller house. We normally are running into each other at one point in the day and at that point we normally talk about what is going on.
Furnishings and Decor
As said in the previous section, electronics are what affects communication the most in our household. If we all want to watch the same thing then it's good but if we don't then it's bad. Also I have the XBox 360 in my room so if I want to play that then I have to go in the other room and play and at that point i'm not communicating. We do have two sofas in the living room though and we have lots of people over it's not enough for everyone so some have to sit on the floor. At times that has been me and instead of sitting there I will go in my room and watch the game on my comfortable bed. Therefore that can affect our communication at times also.
Boundries
We don't have many boundries set throughout the residence. We used to have a fence in the backyard that used to block people from coming in our backyard but we took that down and now it's completely open. Within the household we also don't have many boundries that we've come up with.
Family Environment
I'd probably say that me and my roommates live by the isomorphic fit. In the book it uses the quote, " We work hard and we play hard." I would say we live by that saying, we all work and go to school and we also work hard around the house to keep it clean and neat. We all have seperate rooms but we aren't seperated in our rooms because we normally watch things together and communicate together except for the occasional TV show that we'd like to watch in our rooms. We're all close friends so we're there for each other if anything happens or we need help. Therefore, i'd say that we fit under the isomorphic environment. "WE STICK TOGETHER!"
Final Project
First Change I Would Make
Reasons For Lack of Togetherness and Recommendations:
- Communication- As said earlier i felt that my family lacks communication because of the no communication whether it be by phone or visit. It also seems as if certain family members talk negatively about others when their not around. I remember the quote that Janine Klingenburger said in unit 2 about her experience with her family, her and her husband told their kids if they don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all. (Klingenburger, 2008)
- Family Traditions- Secondly, i feel that family traditions are lacking and they need to be reconstructed to renew our family chemistry. That's what made why family so close and what were lacking at this point.
- Currencies- Currencies are used to make direct statements. According to page 123, "each currency must be considered within the contexts of gender, ethnicity, class, and development stages. I think that I need to inform my other family members about the currencies so that it will give satification to everyone involved. After looking at table 5.1 on page 123, i see that my family members don't share affection in the ways that the book says. By sharing affection the way that the authors demonstrate in the book it will bring collectiveness back to the family and allow for a sense of togetherness.
Second Change I Would Make
Advantages of Having More Boundries:
- Having extended boundries can help for less conflict because of space. I found that having smaller boundries can lead to conflict because your around the same people at all times. If a conflict arises though in larger boundries it allows for the residents to go to a different part of the house to cool down before confronting the person.
- Allows for the residents to have better and more posessions. Even though this isn't always true because not everyone can afford the posessions but in my own mind if you can afford a house that big then you can afford the posessions.
- Having more boundries requires more upkeep and the possibility of more headaches.
Third Change I Would Make
Reasons Why I Tend To Nag and How To Improve
- As said before i like to debate with people about topics. I don't believe that this is a bad thing but i feel as if i need to limit it. If i limit the amount of comments i make then it will help to reduce nagging that can lead to arguments and fights.
- Nagging can also lead to positive results. For example, when a mother continues to nag her son/daughter to clean their room, they eventually will do it. If the mother continues to nag then its possible that the child will finish their work before getting nagged by their mother the next time because they probably won't want to hear it.
- I believe that I also nag because I always want to get the last word in before ending a conversation. I relate this to my competitiveness in sports or any activity in general, I always want to win. That seems as if it carries over to conversations because if it's a debate about a specific topic, i want to win it. This can cause the family member i'm conversing with to get upset because they seem as if i'm cocky or arrogant. I need to give others a chance to voice their opinion without interupting and then after they are finished tell them why i agree or disagree.